It Hurt Me

Her Bday was abt 2-3 days away, i'd tot of a few options as to wat i'd make for her(usaualy i make custom made chalk model/art for my close ones... though rescently i've been made to skip a couple of friend's bday cos of my personal schedule i've made it a point tat though there is a delay, i'd gift a personal hand made artifact to express hw much he/she means to me...) and it was night abt 8 pm , and i was as ussual online , doing my stuff.. research and also chatting!

she was online and i started chatting wit her....i candidly persuaded her to answer my question.....
i asked her she remembers d thing i made for her d last year....

last year, nite b4 her bday, i was sitting with my gadgets besides me.... 2 sizes of safety pin, a blade acompanied by newspaper and a set of chalks to choose from.... i started late that night as i do most of times, may be at abt stroke of midnight.... wondering what i will do...

i try not to repeat my prev TYPE of art, trying to invent a new thing each time... hoping to bettr every time....

Why not make a Helix i tot! with chalk
my mother saw me with the lights on with my tools, she asked... "whoose bday is it tom,son?"

i told her, i was trying to make a helix , one half of DNA, like d fancy staircases, which goes swirling , coiling around itself, giving an illusionary effect!

she said, when u r done ... wake me up and show it to me! i always do.... :)

well, this helix was the first time i was attempting to do, tough confidence was less, determination was der... that i'd to express myself to her.. my friend .. for 'm not very good at words or typing personalised text messages... at tat time i din have a mobile either :P

making of helix involves carving a vertical hole inside a chalk and then carving out the non required parts whicle keeping the shape of the structure! in plane terms........ it not simple!

i eventually pulled it off barring off minor hiccups.... was satisfied wit my efort, the next day morn, paked it in a small box and gave it to her in d class in d break.... she seemed happy , that inturn made me feel good....

but this day, i gave her a hundred hints ... and sadly she din remember wat it was..... probably she had lost it somewhr down d line..................

once, while chatting with a wellwisher of mine, i'd shown some pics of d stuff i'd done...
and also told her that i din have any of it with me, i'd gifted all of them to my dear ones...


she said...
"I hope your friends appreciate the passion with which you have carved the chalk sculpture for them."


i'd said, I think They do ...


but the day i heard the reply from her.... i've had few doubts... since that day, 'm not finding the interest or the passion to sit in front of the chalk and do my stuff!

i was Hurt that day when i heard ," I dont Remember"

i plead, someone pls prove me wrong!

principles at wat cost?

dwindling friendships or blossoming relationships .... earned a banner as an egoistic dictator , people afraid to speak to me in front , but gossip at the back... they regard me as a non social being.. always thinking of something else , behaving not according to my age... or ppl admiring me for my composure or the facts that i stand for , visions i 've .. steps i've taken ... ppl acknolede me that 'm not the average 19 year old college going person, a bit more mature than that ... a lot more they say!

few of my friends slowly but surely cutting ties... only trying to find a good enuf reason to do so... few friends joining hand in hand for the purpose of my principles only to strengthen my resolve ...

few outsiders questioning the basic intent and prejudice of mine, while quite many reassuring and comforting me and helping though from a distance and showing the way ahead in the desert path..


at this early age itself, i feel i've seen so much ... yet there is a lot to be seen , to be understood...

while my principles are firm... i wish to say they arent regid, they are not subject to cease to evolve, they only ask for a betr principle to be replaced by.... till then, till the present principles are dirproved or improved , i sweare by HIS name ... i SHALL follow it!

let them lead me to ppl who hate me or ppl who are indifferent or may be who like the concept.... i pray to HIM to give me strength to treat all alike and keep my work my principles intact and ever evolve....

at any cost

first time when i was RAGGED !!

yeah! i finally came up with a firm decision which story of mine i shud narrate the first... prob d most embarrassing one! heck! who cares.... :P

as the title suggests, its abt my first ragging episode of my life....

it was not in any pu or in engineering college or in any of the ncc training camps i've been part of...
it was not in my high skool days either...

it was a warn afternoon.... and i was abt 4-5 years of age

it happend very close to my place, it was a general holiday(i don remember which hol... hw wud i :D ) and there was a gang of ppl in front of the printing press which my uncle owned( 3-4 blocks frm my home) .. i was aquainted with des ppl for quite some time till then, i was calling all of them as uncles and they used to interact wit me as well....

that day was a lil diff... i actually don remember perfectly but i was dared to smoke a CIGERATTE ... hehe! and u kno wat ... i eventually did smoke a puff.... it was nasty and i caughed and caughed ... aaarrgh it was a dreadful xperience....

well tat was d day i wudnt forget for ever cos of tat incident....

where to start?

its easier said than done! i dono frm whr i shud start telling abt... the earliest or the latest or the worst or the best.... i'm rite now short/over flowed of/with ideas... :D

Why this Blog?

for past few 2-3 months i'm blogging and i find this as a wonderful let out of tots and expression!
when u've no one , who listens to u.. y bother when u've the CYBER ears waiting every second keen 2 share space and gives u absolute freedom to interact with it.... !


though i write in my Active Blog , i found that i was curbing myself, not to take too many names... not to speak abt stuff which wud make few ppl feel bad, though i felt strongly abt it....

well maybe , exclusively for that , to share all my controversies... my grief, tug of wars with few ppl... few pranks that i played , many blunders i made... my hidden tots..untold truths,fights with teachers and friends, arguements and wole lot more! which wud never have come out,for i don like much to "write" , but typing is fine with me... , i'd like to jot it down in this website...

so that whn 'm old and wil click on this site, i'll find some thing to laugh abt myself... all dose seemingly stupid things(few if nt many) that i'd done !